Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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