wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
