I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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