He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
