I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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