Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
