He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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