Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
