Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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