i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
