note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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