when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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