i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
