Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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