after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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