I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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