hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
