No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
