she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
