We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize