New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
