I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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