I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
