there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
