the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
