ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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