You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
