After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize