He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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