its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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