Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
