call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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