so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
