So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
