I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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