if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
