theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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