His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize