Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
