Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
