She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
