Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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