I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
