it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
