You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
