Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
