I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
