how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
