did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
