I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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