I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize