He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
