it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
