I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
