I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
