You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize