VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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