I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
