I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
