I wish I only lived at night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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