just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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