I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
