I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
