Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
