My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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