You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
